Sunday, February 26, 2012

Back from Hiatus

Hey everybody, it’s Mr. Peenutz again. Sorry, it has been a while since I’ve been on here last. I was afraid the peeps knew what I was doing and would shut this site down. I can’t risk that. I need a place to escape, to let my ingenious thoughts out. I am so happy to be back.

First, let us get caught up. WE MOVED! And I love the new house, except the peeps don’t let me roam the property much, which I really don’t understand. They told me I would be happier here because I would have all this space and now, now they won’t even let me out of their sight. I think they think I am stupid, a feeling I sometimes share about them. That is why I wait for them to look away before I run and they do every time, I think because there are too many of us for them to watch.

I run like the wind and investigate the new yard. It smells AMAZING! I can tell there will be lots of new friends for me to make when the weather gets warmer. I can’t wait. I want to meet this snake person they keep telling RooRoo about. For months they have repeated to her, “Snake…RUN!” And she does, she runs away. But I have decided when this is actually recited out in the yard and isn’t a drill, I am going to RUN TO IT. Dah-Da-Da-DAAAH….Mr. Peenutz to the rescue, all I need now is a CAPE! Three words: BEWARE MR. SNAKE!!

Next off, I got a new name. I’ve told you before how we all have like 7 different names besides the one on our danglies, some of mine being: Mongrel, Monster, Gnarles, Dude, Poppa and now Trip….short for Tripod.

On moving day, what an awful day that was, I had to sit in the cage ALL DAY, and I mean….ALL DAY! I was put in there right after I woke the peeps for my morning pee and then was stuck in there, except for some potty breaks, for what felt like….FOREVER! I did get to take a car ride and that was AWESOME. I went with poppa peep in this giant truck that I couldn’t even jump in or out of. I got to ride shotgun, alone. All the other mignons had to ride grouped up in the backseat of the car harnessed into the seatbelts. Not me, I’m special. The world needs to know: Mr. Peenutz is top dog. Except that didn’t help at the new house either, when we got there I was again stuck in a cage with the rest of these tards. And the worst part about that, I was injured, injured at the peeps expense, poppa peep that is, momma peep would never hurt me.

When we first got to the house they let us roam a bit, I think out of pity…poor fools. They always give in to our pathetic, puppy dog eyes. We bombarded them, mostly because we wanted FOOD, they thought because we liked them, which we do a bit I won’t lie, but this was mostly about FOOD.

To start it off, Hazle was jumping at their feet along with a bunch of the others. I was standing behind poppa peep when all of a sudden, he stepped back, and when he did, he stepped on my toe. I was like, “excuse me, my foot was here first”, but then he backed off and gave me lovin’. All was forgiven in his book but not mine. What he didn’t realize was he ripped my toenail out of my foot. Not broke it, ripped it literally out of my toe. All that was left was a hole. Well a hole and lots of blood.

I was fine at first, I can take lots of pain…SHHHH, don’t tell them that, I’ve got them right where I want them in regards to that. But when RooRoo took them my nail and they saw blood on the floor, they freaked out. So then I made them think I did too, but just a little. I’m telling you, I’ve got mad skills with these eyes. Momma peep picked me up and put me on the counter and gave me big, big hugs as she squeezed my foot. The bleeding eventually stopped and now it has pretty much healed, but I’m still minus a toenail. That night they started calling me, Tripod. Now it has been shortened to, Trip. I swear the peeps are the laziest people I know. They are so lazy they can’t even say words; that takes too much effort for them. Good lord, if only they knew how much work it took to be a dog. Speaking of that, I’ve got to go. It is time for my nap. I’ve been up for what seems like an hour, that is 30 minutes past my nap time. Good grief, guess I’ll have to catch you up on the rest some other time. Until then, P out!

Friday, November 25, 2011

Green Mater Gardener

It is a sad day for Montgomery Nutz….momma peep took down the garden. Gardening is my favorite outdoor activity next to mushroom hunting. I don’t know if I’ve told you about mushroom hunting yet but our yard is a mushroom haven, I’ll tell you about it some other time. It is kind of a long story and I want to talk about tomatoes.

Every year we plant a garden. I go outside with momma peep and watch where she puts all the seeds because I’ve been around long enough to know, where seeds go in the ground, food comes out….YUMMY FOOD! I get so excited when I see the seeds.

It started a few years ago. I wasn’t around the first year to see the seeds go in the ground but I showed up when the tomato plants were grown. Momma peep used to take us all outside in the back yard to play. We would go out for hours and run in the backyard, I always tried to run off and go where I couldn’t be seen. This first year I was hiding behind the garden next to the most awesome smell I had ever smelt; when I looked over, there they were; little round green and red berries a.k.a. cherry maters. I swiped one off the plant to try and that was it….I was HOOKED! Momma peep doesn’t know this but I stood there the entire time we were outside eating fallen maters. She had no idea about what was going on, that is until she found me.

One day when we were playing, for way shorter than our normal outdoor visit, she caught me. She was calling for me to come in and I hadn’t switched off my selective hearing yet so I didn’t listen. I guess she got really mad because before long, I saw her coming up behind me and I knew my buffet was about to end. So I did what any Nut would do……I grabbed as many green maters as I could in one bite. I ended up with a tomato branch in my mouth I stole so many. But I ate them all….QUICKLY! I wasn’t going to chance her taking any of them from me. They were mine. It was this day momma peep realized she had a gardening pup.

Over the years we have had many gardens and I am pleased to say, aside from the tomatoes; I like carrots, lettuce, and I even made off with a cantaloupe once. That was YUMMY, but not very often is there one small enough I can take off with, but when there is….BEWARE! I guess I will have to wait until next year now, which I hear will ROCK because the new house will have a bigger garden. OH I CAN HARDLY WAIT! I’m ALWAYS ready for a mouthful of GREEN MATERS….MMMMMMMM!!!!

Friday, November 11, 2011

My Friend Click

Hi everybody, I know you have heard of me. My name is Peekan RooRoo. Peenutz is my daddy. Shhhh please, I stole the computer from him, he is sleeping. I wanted to tell you about my friend in the floor. Every year he visits me and I can’t wait. I call him Click because right before he shows up I hear a click and I know he is coming. It is my signal to jump up and get ready to greet him. He only visits when it is cold outside and he doesn’t stay for long which is why I run so excitedly when I hear him coming. He brings me warmth, lots of it. I just LOVE HIM, but lately others have been trying to steal him from me. I’ve been having trouble finding room to greet him when he arrives and I don’t want him to stop coming. I’m worried.

The reason I’m worried is Kashoo and Maks are trying to greet him and Poppa Nutz is right, Maks is a tard. He alone could run off my friend. Maks thinks I am his and I feel like he is getting a little jealous of my friend time because now when he hears the click he runs over to my waiting spot and there isn’t room for me. I have to boot him out with my butt, which works, but only for a minute. He is like a boomerang and just as quickly as he goes he comes right back. By this time I’ve already claimed my spot so I don’t boot him out again. I let him wait with me in hopes that he will like my friend, but really I don’t care. I will visit no matter if Maks likes it or not. Click was my friend first, but I know I should share.

OOOOOHHHH, I GOT TO GO……I JUST HEARD CLICK. Here is a picture so you can see what I mean. We are sitting where Click arrives and when he does my ears blow with excitement and my whole body warms up. I gotta go…..HE IS HERE! Later peeps!

P.S. Please don’t tell Poppa Nut I was here. He doesn’t know it but he is a little like Maks…..STUPID, but we don’t tell him that. He will only know I was here if someone tells him so again….SSSHHHHH PLEASE! I’m sure I will steal the computer again one day. Until then…..Peekan RooRoo OUT!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Crazy Nutter Love

As you all know if your follow my thoughts…..and you SHOULD (I’m Peenutz for Heaven’s sake) I am surrounded by a bunch of Nutz; not edible but living. I give them a hard time and say mean things but deep down I wouldn’t want to live with any other bunch, they are mine….and Shooie’s of course. Couldn’t have had them without Shooie, maybe that’s where all the stupid ones came from because I know I am not responsible for their ignorance. OOOO shoot, there are those mean thoughts I sometimes let out and this isn’t supposed to be a mean post about them…..OOPS! Let me start again!

I LOVE THEM ALL…..there that should make up for those mean words! But I love one way more than any other…..Kashoo (that is bound to give RooRoo a complex; she thinks she is my favorite….NOPE). Kashoo is my lady!

The peeps plan to take us to Vegas when they renew their vows, and when we go, me and Shooie get to be in the wedding. They’re even going to dress us up! They keep saying they’re going to, “make it official” between me and Shooie, whatever that means. I think it will be fun. They have promised us cake and presents; but one thing I’m not real sure of, why we will we get different names. They said we would be known as Mr. and Mrs. P. Nutter (like I’ve said before, we have a million different names on our danglies….what’s one more I guess). All in all, it sounds like a giant party with my best buddy, I can handle that!

I couldn’t have asked for a better partner in crime than Kashoo. She makes me so happy and she is nice to me. It is my responsibility to take care of her, she is my lady, and that is why God gave me an extra appendage….to take care of my lady. I clean her ears when we are lying together. I lick inside and get all the nasties out and then massage the outsides with my teeth. Her ears are like bubble gum, the peeps gave me some when I was little and I loved the chewing. I had to replace the gum with Shooie’s ears because the peeps won’t let me have it anymore. They stopped letting me have gum when I started trying to take it out of their mouths while they were chewing. WHAT? It smelt YUMMY….and it WAS! I sure do miss it. At least I have Kashoo’s ears!

We spend all our time together. Kashoo and I have been inseparable since she was 8 weeks and I was 4 months. We sleep together. Walk together. We’re even each other’s kennel buddies. Since there are so many of us we have to have kennel buddies when we get put up. When it was just Kashoo and I we didn’t have to be kenneled, we were good, but then the mignons came along and started tearing up everything when the peeps left, so we all get punished now. I’m so glad I got Kashoo as a kennel buddy though, because I couldn’t handle being kenneled with any of these other tards. Shoot, there it is again….MEAN THOUGHTS! SORRY mignons! It’s just….I love Kashoo so much; I’ll even let her have my prized possession….KIBBLES!

Now like I said earlier, we didn’t used to be kenneled before the mignons came along, so getting Kashoo and I to adhere to these cruel practices took some coercing; and no better way to coerce Nutz than with food. Kibbles to be exact! We are rewarded with kibbles for walking into our crates. Kashoo and I always get our kibbles last because the mignons are so difficult to kennel it takes the peeps 5 minutes to get them all corralled, so of course, Kashoo and I have to wait patiently for our rewards.

Ordinarily I won’t let anyone around my food, in fact, I started eating in my kennel because I was having anger issues with all these tards about steeling MY food out of MY bowl while I was eating. This is a HUGE NO NO! Gnarles visits when this happens and I go all Barkley on their stupid behinds, until they drop my kibbles. I’ll admit, it got a little out of hand, hence why I eat in my kennel now…..and I LOVE IT! No one touches my food anymore….I’m protected from them with bars. But when Kashoo and I are in there, it is different. She isn’t a mignon. She is my lady and I always treat her that way. I make sure she gets what she needs. I’ll even give her my kibble. When the peeps give us our reward treats for walking in, I let her have hers’ first. I don’t even try to take it when it is offered to me. I just look at the kibble, then look at Kashoo, then lock eyes with my peep, and she gets it. Kashoo ALWAYS gets the first kibble. That’s how I show her love, because my love for Shooie started with that very first sniff, and we’ve been together ever since!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Binocular Hiding With Maks

As you know we all have a bunch of names, one of my most used ones besides Peenutz is Gnarles Barkly. The peeps call me this when I ‘m enforcing. It is my patrol alter ego who keeps the Nutz in line. But sometimes even Gnarles slacks.

A few months ago Maks was up to no good. Daddy peep has these big glasses, I think they call them binoculars. I ‘m not real sure what they are used for but apparently daddy really likes them, and so does Maks. Daddy kept them on a table next to the big bed where we sleep at night. For some reason Maks thought this was the spot for “Makker toys”, so he would take them off the table and onto the big bed to play with them (to be honest, it didn’t look like a lot of fun, I couldn’t figure out why he liked them so much, still can’t, but that isn’t the issue). He would do this 4 or 5 times a day and each time he got caught with them they would take away the binoculars and put them up, only to have Maks go right back over and snag them again. He would run through the house with them in his mouth playing keep away from the peeps. It was funny watching them run after him. He does do some really entertaining things sometimes even though he gets on my last nerve, but the peeps would always win, until one day they didn’t.

No one saw Maks take off with the binoculars this day but let me assure you they were GONE, nowhere to be found. Trust me I looked. Daddy searched everywhere, they even moved the furniture around and still no sign. They were planning on buying a new pair, it had been six months, but instead, Maks spontaneously made them reappear, of all places, right smack in the middle of the big bed on daddy’s side.

Now I have questioned him and questioned him about where he hid them and he won’t tell me anything. It bugs me not knowing where the secret hiding spot is in this house. I refuse to believe that idiot is smarter than me. It has now become my sole purpose to find it. What kind of protector am I if I allow Maks to outsmart me? Maks? He gets confused when you say his name. He doesn’t even know “sit”! OMG, OMG, OMG…..I’ve got to go search for his spot. Then I’ll be smarter than the peeps... Later!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Did Someone Say.... "We're Moving?"

There has been a lot of talk lately about us moving. We have conversed and we aren’t real sure how we feel about it. Kashoo and I are the only two who have ever lived anywhere else. We know how scary moving can be. Kashoo has already said if she has to go on another plane she isn’t going, and if she doesn’t go, neither can I. Though I don’t think a plane ride is in the plans, she over reacts sometimes, but we are worried.

Momma peep keeps telling us new rules to remember and she quizzes us nightly on them. I already know Peekan RooRoo’s rule. She has two. Her first rule is to ALWAYS get Maks. He gets lost easily and needs someone to watch out for him since he is so dumb and RooRoo is his best friend so lucky her, she gets stuck with him. Once she gets him, they are supposed to RUN! Run AWAY from the corn. Momma Peep is afraid of snakes so she keeps telling us to run to the house. We get confused sometimes when we run and start going in all the wrong directions. RooRoo is the most chicken so if she grabs Maks and goes to the house I think they are assuming we will follow…..NOT! I plan to attack everything I meet out there. We live in the city now and from what I have been told it is a lot like Grammie Montgomery’s house in the country. I love the country but I know there are things that want to come into my house and that just won’t happen on Peenutz Montgomery’s watch. I will kill all who aren’t permitted to enter. That is my rule….to not attack things, but little do the peeps know, I can’t promise that.

Maks rule is to follow RooRoo. OOOHHH how original of the peeps, though I know this will be hard for him. He follows everyone at the same time. I know you don’t think that is possible but you don’t know Maks. He is sneaky and fast. As soon as you realize that thing is biting your ankles he has already run off and bit 3 other’s ankles. Then it’s too late to retaliate. I think that is why he does it; maybe he isn’t that stupid after all. Nope, I’m sticking to he is DUMB!

Kashoo’s only rule is not to run. She has a hurt back and she loves to run and with all the extra room outside they don’t want her to hurt herself more. She won’t be able to stick to this one. I foresee a lot of yelling and kennel time in her future, but I don’t blame the peeps. When she first hurt her back they had to keep her in the cage for two months. It was torture for me. I didn’t have anyone to play with, but she does better now though she still isn’t right. She is smart, she will figure it out I’m sure.

The twins don’t really have rules. Like I said earlier they are followers so I think they are just being told to follow RooRoo. I think they will do well except for Ollie. She has this barking thing and she sometimes forgets to stop. That can cause some problems if everyone is running away from something and she stands there barking at it. The snake will eat her, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad….more food for me! Wait, scratch that…. I will get into even more trouble if the peeps even know I think something like that. I guess I will have to save her now; the guilt would be too bad. At least I will always know where she is, her mouth will surely tell me that.

I guess this moving thing could be fun now that I’ve talked it through. I will have lots more space to patrol which means the further I can get away from these tards. RooRoo gets stuck with the brunt of the idiots, and rules. So like I said, maybe it won’t be so bad. I’ll be sure to keep you posted. I can already tell I’ll have stories to share!

Saturday, August 27, 2011

SECRET OPS MISSION: Pretending to Play

I have been having a feeling lately that the mignons are up to something. See here… I LOVE LOVE LOVE warm weather. I get up in the morning and sit outside on the porch to soak up the rays. I roll and root and scoot and then I plop over on my bed and enjoy my morning cube. The peeps bring me ice cubes every morning to eat while I am lounging. None of the others get this; hence, I am SPECIAL! But lately I have felt there have been secret shenanigans happening on the other side of the door. I keep hearing the pitter patters of the mignons' feet across the floor, barking like they are going after something really fast. I thought at first it was them chasing L.S. again. Something they never grow tired of, hours and hours they could spend. But I kept thinking I was smelling something good too, like food. You see the peeps have been taking Hazle away and force feeding her something, then they give her a cookie. I don’t get no stinkin’ cookie and I’m Mr. PEENUTZ…. the leader of these tards! I could just feel they were up to something.

So today when I was outside… SECRET OPS MISSION: Pretending to Play. I listened and smelt extra hard. I wasn’t going to let another day go by and miss out on COOKIES! The moment I heard their feet go buy I stood up on the door and demanded the peeps bring me some too.

Sometimes you have to let the peeps know you are smarter than you look. Secret canine mind control over the masses, play dumb and others feel sorry for you. That’s why there are so many stupid dogs. We know what’s going on. Another reason sometimes Maks and I don’t get along, he is really good at playing dumb. Sometimes even I get confused if he is playing it or just is. I land on "is" a lot of the time. But let’s not get me started on that, I could talk forever about him.

Back to the cookies, where was I? Oh yeah… I remember, I demanded they bring me cookies! Of course they did. They shot them out under the screen door at me. I didn’t want to come in. It is so much fun catching cookies. I took them back to my bed, ate them, and then continued to lounge in the sun. I guarantee you they won’t overlook me the next time they give out cookies. I’ve now got them trained better than that!